Being Transformed into HIS Image

"All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him." 2 Corinthians 3:18 (MSG)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Accountability: Part I

When I approached Ramon about DD, I requested help controlling my temper, but he couldn't comprehend my need for accountability, and he outright refused to consider discipline.

One day, I angrily called our teen son a “stupid brat.” After I apologized, he shrugged, saying, "I forgive you. I'm used to it." Used to it? I requested clarification. He replied, "You get stressed, yell, and say sorry -- like a loop. I always forgive you, and the next time you get frustrated, you yell and say sorry again. It's just who you are."

Ramon walked into our bedroom, where I was sobbing with regret. He asked, "Why do you keep responding with sinful anger?"

"Because the angry response is so engrained in me that I can't seem to change."

He said, "That's a cop-out; you could change if you really wanted to."

Ramon and I had been through this exchange before, and I cried out in frustration. "Yes, I should be able to change on my own, but at this rate, our kids will be grown before I learn. They won't remember all the wonderful things I did with them when they were young; all they'll remember are their teen years when Mom turned into a shrew. I've begged you to hold me accountable. How can you love me and just stand by and let me destroy my relationships with our kids? Why won’t you help me?"

"What? By spanking you?" he sneered.

"Forget the spanking. I thought that might shock me out of it, and a spanking seemed a small price for learning to avoid hurting the kids; but you don’t have to. Just step in and stop me if you see me start to lose it. Can't you even do that much?"

"How am I supposed to stop you? Send you to your room?"

"Whatever you feel comfortable with. I just want you to hold me accountable in some way for how I speak to the children."

He studied me for a long moment before nodding. "Okay. I'll try holding you accountable. Just remember that you asked for this."


  1. Well, it will certainly be interesting to find out how this develops.

  2. Keep us posted. My wife begged me to keep her from making the same angry mistakes that her mother made. Whatever happens you have a long road ahead and we are rooting for you.
    Sean and Mary-Kate

  3. Uh-oh...(swallow).

    This is where you'll regret what you won't regret - asking him. I hope it works out famously.

  4. I understand completely. Tearing down the relationship with our own children is destroying it for a lifetime. I know that Ramon and God can do a work that we cannot do alone. I trust there will be some wall building going on as well.



  5. Alexandra,

    Few things make me feel as bad as when I say something in anger to my children. I also really need accountability at that time too, if not I get terribly depressed.

    It sounds as if your son is learning the art of forgiveness though. That's a very valuable lesson and one that will serve him well throughout his life.


  6. Thanks for the comments. We have made huge progress in this area over the past 2 or 3 years, especially after he started spanking for these kinds of blow-ups. I very rarely lose my temper anymore, so we've moved on to critical comments, tone of voice, disrespect, and etc. There's always something my mouth is getting me in trouble for. My butt has suggested duct tape for my mouth. LOL

    Kady, I've been trying ot do some wall-building, but I wonder if it's too little too late.

    Thanks for commenting.